You know when you see The One and you just know? You just know, in your heart of hearts, that you would bully someone - the guy next to you in line, an old high school pal you made an “if we’re not married by XYZ let’s marry each other” pact with - into proposing to you just so you could have a wedding, just so you could wear this dress? Yeah, they say you’d do anything for true love!

Luckily, I already have a wonderful partner that I am happy to spend the rest of my life with, dress or no dress. Which is great, because spoiler alert, I didn’t end up getting the dress. (But, I did get the guy, so it’s not a total loss!)

Anyway, back to the dress - I first spotted it over the summer in the Fancy Section at Neiman Marcus - I hardly ever go up to the third floor, but I was bumming around waiting for my mom and, to pass the time, I played this game that I love to play, wherein I pretend that NM gave me a wink and a nod to pick out any dress I wanted for free. I was being super picky, too, dismissing dresses that weren’t lined or that had loose threads. This imaginary free gown had to be perfect. I had to be able to glide out of my imaginary limo and slip right into my imaginary, celeb-filled table at an awards dinner, where I would gather the hem and be able to artfully climb the stairs to retrieve my imaginary award, maybe even giving a cute little Jennifer Lawrence stumble on my way up to the stage, just to show that despite my amazing gown, shiny friends, and vast achievements I’m still just a lovable goof in a couture dress. Hey, it’s my fantasy, okay?

Then I spotted this beautiful blue cotton candy tulle cascading out at me from behind something else, the hem peeking out and inviting me over with a come-hither wave. I pulled it out from behind whatever it was behind (who would do such a thing? Nobody puts baby in a corner!) and gasped - it was even more lovely than I could have imagined, its ivory bodice emerging from the sea of tulle, bold red poppies embroidered on in an almost haphazard way, criss-crossing on the torso, trailing their stems down to the pelvis. It had but one sleeve, surely making its wearer look like a wood-nymph or a romantically disheveled bruja of the chicest order.

I flipped the price tag around - $4655. (Or something. I lost track after the “4” and the “6”.) I was still swimming in the dream of "Neiman Marcus said I could pick whatever I wanted” when I showed it to my mom, hugging it to my body and beaming “how about this as a wedding dress?” like I was suggesting bolognese for dinner. I wasn’t even engaged at the time.

My mom, not knowing about the deal with Mr. Marcus the Benevolent, said “How much is that?” followed by a shrug and “it’s okay.”

Okay, mom.

No matter - it was a size four, a few thousand dollars, Mr. Marcus wasn’t returning my imaginary texts (We text.) about the free gown thing, and I should probably get engaged first.

I forgot about it (by which I mean I googled it a few dozen times, but couldn’t find anything resembling this beautiful creation on NM, Carolina Herrera’s website, runway photos, Instagram, and so on) and moved on.

Then a couple months later, I got engaged - coincidentally in Dallas, Texas, the birthplace of Neiman Marcus - and had to swing by the King of Prussia location when I got back home to exchange something, so I popped on up to the Third Floor to ask about the dress. They still had it, and that was the only size they had. It was still $46-whatever, and no, they wouldn’t be getting more in because it was a special order that the apparently deranged customer somehow decided she no longer wanted. I am praying for her to get well soon, because clearly she’s blind, ill, or broke if she didn’t end up getting this. I’d be sitting on my bed eating bon-bons and wearing it in full makeup if I got to accompany this dress home!

The good folks at Neiman Marcus, for whatever reason - maybe it was my Dallas tan, maybe it was my newly engaged glow - let me try it on. Or at least, try to try it on. Man was it tiny! Built for a sprite, probably made by a nymph and ironed by a fairy. The best I could do was hold it against my body and snap a selfie.

But I loved it. I still love it!!

Through some sleuthing, I learned that the dress is from Resort 2018. I scrolled hungrily through the lookbook online, and then - I found it! (Well, a photo of it, the actual merchandise is long gone by now.) Almost, almost as sweet as getting to wear it myself.

I also found a similar version of the dress, also Resort 2018, on TheRealReal, for around $1200.

Now, about the wedding. It was scheduled for May 9, 2020. And then, it was cancelled. (Thanks, Coronavirus.) We got married in my moms backyard earlier the month anyway, with a teeny tiny assemblage of siblings, their partners, and our parents, and I wore a white Cushnie off-the shoulder dress that was intended for our wedding afterparty. We plan to have the real wedding next year, although it’ll be more like an anniversary or vow-renewal. I won’t be wearing my dream Carolina Herrera dress, but I will get to (re)marry my dream man.

And, you know what I can do, and so I did do? I bought myself a t-shirt version of the dress, NWT, from Poshmark. How’s that for trickle-down economics?

The tee was release in October 2018 for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and was co-designed by Julia Louis-Dreyfus for Saks Fifth Avenue’s Key to the Cure fundraiser’s 20th anniversary, and benefits AiRS Foundation, which helps women gain the reconstructive surgery that they need.

Maybe I could pair it with a blue tulle skirt, like CH Creative Director Wes Gordon did here, to an achieve a more daytime-ready version of the dress that stole my heart?